Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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