Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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