Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
