I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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