Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
