Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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