i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
