I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
