I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
