At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
