how do flat chested girls get laid?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
