I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
