My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She said her name was "party"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
