i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she peed on how many people?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
