Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
