It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
