I just cut my nipple shaving
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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