I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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