I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
