I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize