i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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