i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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