I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
