I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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