I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
