and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
