so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
