I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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