none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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