We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
