3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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