So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
