apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize