My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
