since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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