I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
