You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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