i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
