College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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