im drinking this country out of the recession.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
