Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
