I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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