So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
