he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
