my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
