At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
