I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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