I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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