dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
