You just made me feel so damn special
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
