Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize