your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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