omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
