So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
