I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Too much gin, very little bucket
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
