i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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