i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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