Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
