I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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