Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
