: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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